Being an American grants a person a certain number of liberties.
You have the right to free speech, freedom of religion, the right to a fair trial and the right to sit on your behind all day long in your jammies eating Cheez Whiz and watching "Cops" if you feel like it, dang it.
(Best. Country. Ever.)
But a couple in Colorado believe they have to right to garden in thongs and pasties, and - shocker--that's not sitting well with their neighbors.
The semi-nudists claim their landlord has discriminated against them by suggesting that they wear pants when they plant, so to speak.
The Associated Press says the landlord has accused Robert and Catharine "Pasties" Pierce of being a nuisance, largely because of their au natural approach to tending to their yard.
Police, however, say that as long as their ... um ... business is covered, they're not violating the law.
The AP says the landlord has threatened to evict them if they don't cover up.
"We want our freedom," said Robert Pierce, 58. "We want exactly what the law gives you, and we don't want to be harassed about it."
But what about the neighbors' right not to have to douse themselves with eye bleach every time they drive down their street?
Neighbor Emily Hink said her daughter's "jaw dropped" when she spotted Mrs. Pierce gardening in an outfit normally reserved for a Vegas showgirl review.
Hink said she doesn't care what the Pierces do behind closed doors and fences, but the nudie gardening out front is a little much.
"There are so many parks around here, and there are lots of kids around," Hink said. "They're on the corner lot right across the street from the community gardens and the Waldorf school. The whole street is lined with kids."
Makes your neighbors seem pretty normal, huh?