Mencuba menggoda tu pikir2lah sama. Jangan bergayut didahan yang patah.
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Lawak Rokok 18SX
I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have two friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Marlboro,
In the Salem high country
I Always carry a Mild Seven
I rode on a White Horse
Going to Kingsway in Kent
It was Lucky Strike I fell in love
With the daughter of Master Duke
Her name was YSL
We got married by Perillys , the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And booked into room number 555
I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf
I played with her two Matterhorns
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
She cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider!!!"
You are riding like a mad Camel
When I asked her if she is satisfied
She answered" I want MORE!!!!"
Then suddenly she turned around and asked me if I want to
enter her Gudang Garam.
She said to SAAT... depan belakang puas, barulah
Sampoerna!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Lawak : Paham Sendiri K
Sani murid tahun 2 yang agak lembab dan suka nyediri.
Cik gu yang palig dia takut ialah Cik gu Kumar, guru mate sekolahnya.
Dengar suara Sir Kumar menengking rasa nak terkencing.. .
Suatu hari Sir Kumar memulakan kelas dengan menguji kecekapan conggak.
semua murid berdiri dan kalau tak dapat jawab, berdiri atas kerusi.
semua murid mesti jawab spontan..
tak boleh kira..
bila tiba giliran Sani,
Sir Kumar menengking 5 + 5 berapa ? cepat!!!!!.
Sani cuba mengira secara sorok.
Dia masukkan kedua-dua tangannya dalam kocek seluar.
Bergerak-gerak seluarnya kerana menghintung. .. rasa nak terkencing pun ada sebab takut...
Sir Kumar senyum melihat telatah Sani.
Sir Kumar : Cepat Sani.. 5 + 5 berapa..
Sani: 11 cikgu... ..
Sir Kumar ketawa terkekek-kekek.. "huahuahua... sambil keluar kelas... .
Cik gu yang palig dia takut ialah Cik gu Kumar, guru mate sekolahnya.
Dengar suara Sir Kumar menengking rasa nak terkencing.. .
Suatu hari Sir Kumar memulakan kelas dengan menguji kecekapan conggak.
semua murid berdiri dan kalau tak dapat jawab, berdiri atas kerusi.
semua murid mesti jawab spontan..
tak boleh kira..
bila tiba giliran Sani,
Sir Kumar menengking 5 + 5 berapa ? cepat!!!!!.
Sani cuba mengira secara sorok.
Dia masukkan kedua-dua tangannya dalam kocek seluar.
Bergerak-gerak seluarnya kerana menghintung. .. rasa nak terkencing pun ada sebab takut...
Sir Kumar senyum melihat telatah Sani.
Sir Kumar : Cepat Sani.. 5 + 5 berapa..
Sani: 11 cikgu... ..
Sir Kumar ketawa terkekek-kekek.. "huahuahua... sambil keluar kelas... .
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Lawak: 18SGX
Ada seorang makcik ni berumur 40++. Dia naik bas ekspres dari KL ke
Perlis. Tengah perjalanan dia nak berhajat kecil.
'alamak! leceh betullah. Tadi masa berhenti tadi tak nak kencing.
Adohh... malu pulak leh nak suruh drebar tu berenti' kata mak cik ni dalam
hatinya.
Makcik ni duduk belakang sekali. Lepas tu pulak org tak ramai.
Maklumlah... hari isnin, orang kerja. Makcik ni pun balik sebab emergency.
'macam mana nak buat ni'
Mak cik ni ada idea. Dekat tingkap bas kan ada tingkap kecik. Lepas tu
bas tu berlangsir.
'alahh kencing je lah ikut tingkap ni'. Hajatnya lepas dengan
jayanya...
Lepas tu air tu terpercik sikit2 kat seorang Mat Motor. Mamat ni pun
angin lah. 'kurang hajar!!!'
Mamat ni pun beri arahan berhenti kat drebar bas. Then Mamat ni pun
naik dalam bas dan menjerit.
'sapa yg #@#@##@% &^ ludah kat luar tadi hahhh !!!!
baik korang mengaku!!!'
Makcik ni rasa bersalah dan nak minta maaf. Dia pun berdiri.
'makcik ni apahal bangun!! duduk!!!'' jerit Mamat ni.
'cepat!! ngakulah!!!' kata Mamat ni.
Makcik ni bangun lagi. Dia kata 'sebenarnya nak...'
Lepas tu terus dipotong percakapan makcik tu.
'Makcik diam!', kata Mamat tu.
'Saya tau orang yang ludah tu lelaki sebab saya nampak mulut dan misai dia!!' jerit Mamat ni.
Perlis. Tengah perjalanan dia nak berhajat kecil.
'alamak! leceh betullah. Tadi masa berhenti tadi tak nak kencing.
Adohh... malu pulak leh nak suruh drebar tu berenti' kata mak cik ni dalam
hatinya.
Makcik ni duduk belakang sekali. Lepas tu pulak org tak ramai.
Maklumlah... hari isnin, orang kerja. Makcik ni pun balik sebab emergency.
'macam mana nak buat ni'
Mak cik ni ada idea. Dekat tingkap bas kan ada tingkap kecik. Lepas tu
bas tu berlangsir.
'alahh kencing je lah ikut tingkap ni'. Hajatnya lepas dengan
jayanya...
Lepas tu air tu terpercik sikit2 kat seorang Mat Motor. Mamat ni pun
angin lah. 'kurang hajar!!!'
Mamat ni pun beri arahan berhenti kat drebar bas. Then Mamat ni pun
naik dalam bas dan menjerit.
'sapa yg #@#@##@% &^ ludah kat luar tadi hahhh !!!!
baik korang mengaku!!!'
Makcik ni rasa bersalah dan nak minta maaf. Dia pun berdiri.
'makcik ni apahal bangun!! duduk!!!'' jerit Mamat ni.
'cepat!! ngakulah!!!' kata Mamat ni.
Makcik ni bangun lagi. Dia kata 'sebenarnya nak...'
Lepas tu terus dipotong percakapan makcik tu.
'Makcik diam!', kata Mamat tu.
'Saya tau orang yang ludah tu lelaki sebab saya nampak mulut dan misai dia!!' jerit Mamat ni.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Jokes : Don't laugh
1) Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions.
2) Did you hear about the whale who couldnt keep a secret?He was a blubber mouth!
3) What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? Dont go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
4) A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day. His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"
5) When do men insist that women are illogical?When a woman doesnt agree with them.
6) A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. Its easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you whats inside." They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isnt good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there nare still two floors left, they continue on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they would be missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
7) A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. "Why dont you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." " Whats wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadnt started eating yet."
8)QUESTION: What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman? ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.
2) Did you hear about the whale who couldnt keep a secret?He was a blubber mouth!
3) What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? Dont go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
4) A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day. His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"
5) When do men insist that women are illogical?When a woman doesnt agree with them.
6) A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. Its easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you whats inside." They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isnt good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there nare still two floors left, they continue on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they would be missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
7) A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. "Why dont you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." " Whats wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadnt started eating yet."
8)QUESTION: What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman? ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Just For Laugh : Batman Vs Batgirl
Hm..how you differentiate batman and batgirl. I see..i see...Just Kidding!!!
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