1) Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions.
2) Did you hear about the whale who couldnt keep a secret?He was a blubber mouth!
3) What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? Dont go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
4) A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day. His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"
5) When do men insist that women are illogical?When a woman doesnt agree with them.
6) A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. Its easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you whats inside." They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isnt good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there nare still two floors left, they continue on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they would be missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
7) A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. "Why dont you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." " Whats wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadnt started eating yet."
8)QUESTION: What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman? ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.